In today’s video, I want to talk about a very important aspect of mind control that will help you reach your goal of fitness and more importantly, make it a lifestyle forever.
The topic of this video is Guilt vs Understanding.
Time and time again, I have conversations with people I’m helping, from friends to clients and this topic comes up often. I find out that many people if they are in the transition to a healthy lifestyle, when they slip up or on cheat days, they feel remorse or guilt.
And here is a critical mistake they make. When you are working hard to get back in shape and eat healthy, you might think that feeling guilty when you go outside the healthy train is a good sign, meaning you care a lot about being healthy…but it’s not, guilt doesn’t help you at all, worse, feeling guilty make it harder for you to develop a healthy lifestyle.
Keep watching to see why you shouldn’t feel guilty when you are not eating healthy.
The insight is that guilt, remorse, make you fight yourself instead of understanding your defaults and grow. Every time you feel guilty, you are divided, one side is fighting against another side, and war is the opposite of peace… In order to make healthy eating and fitness part of your life, you have to be total within, whole, you cannot be fighting inside.
Guilt is a symptom of you being divided.
Let’s got into some real-life examples so you can better understand the difference between guilt and understanding:
You have been following a healthy nutrition plan for the past two months…for 6 days a week, you eat clean and go to the gym 2-3 times. Then Saturday is the day where you indulge more in food, cookies, pasta, ice cream, it’s the day where you let yourself go, some people call it cheat day.
Now, what happens is that, when it’s time to eat your favorite cookies, you savor it and as soon as you finish, you start feeling guilty. I know some people that as they are eating during cheat day, they already start thinking of going to the gym on Monday, they are flooded with guilt and remorse.
Now, let’s zoom in the mind at this moment, what is really going on?
How come before the cookie meal, you were happy, craving and salivating, but now, 5 mins after, you feel guilty. That doesn’t really make sense… like, you should instead feel happy, with the after-effects of a delicious meal…
What guilt means it that a part of you, you can call sub-personality is fighting, judging another part of you. The fight is about the cookie monster in you vs the healthy you, so as soon as the cookie monster ate and feel satiated, boom, the healthy you come back in the driver seat and start judging the cookie monster….
So how can you grow from this? You can’t…And that’s why making people feel guilty about misbehaving or making mistake is not an intelligent way to help them learn from it and grow.
I will tell you this, on Saturday, when it’s my cheat day, or better yet, the day where i eat more calories than usual and mostly a lot of carbs, I totally enjoy it. When I’m eating my usual 3 cookies or my favorite food, fried plantains, I savor it all, my mind is all in, there is absolutely no second thought or guilt…Many times, I even send pictures of my fried plantains and grilled salmon to friends and family. I do it almost every weekend.
There is no separation in me of a cookie monster vs a healthy me, the healthy me that eats close to perfect from 6 days a week, hits the gym, plays basketball and does yoga is the same one who eats fried plantains and cookies on Saturday…I have been doing that for a decade now.
So why should I feel any guilt?
Instead of guilt what you want is understanding. When a kid is making mistakes after mistake in math, do you think making him feel guilty helps him get better? No, worse, it actually makes him feel less.
Understanding means, watch the process very carefully and find out why the mistake is being made.
Normally, when it comes to nutrition and health, people feel guilty because all week long they eat unhealthy, so from time to time, the healthy side of them, who is not in the driver seat comes along and make them feel guilty, when they realize, wow, I am letting myself go, I’m eating terribly lately, I need to go back to the gym.
But this guilt doesn’t help them. Instead, what you want to do totally accept yourself, without any judgment, erase that judging voice inside your mind. You are not killing anybody or hurting someone else.
You are eating to be happy but not realizing that the complete opposite will actually happen.
Food can’t make one happy and worse, unhealthy food will make you fat, sick and lead to suffering. But if you don’t have that understanding yet, deep down within, no need to feel guilty.
Instead, become more aware of how it makes you feel when you eat unhealthy and indulge.
Observe and understand, get some distance from your emotions and mind and think about the after-effects of the way you are eating, come up with multiple scenarios of how this current behavior will affect you in one, two hours, when you feel lethargic… in one or two days… when you start to gain more weight… in two or three years, with obesity, knee pain, high blood pressure, in ten years with back pain or diabetes.
Don’t feel guilty, see and understand what are the consequences of your actions, relax and see the outcome…Making mistakes means we are unaware of what we are doing, 3+3= 7, you are making that mistake over and over, guilt will not help, you need to understand why.
Let’s look at guilt from another angle. There are two ways to experience and use your mind. In one way, you are at the same level of your thoughts, meaning, you use one thought to fight other thoughts,
So feeling guilty is one emotion fighting another emotion…the feeling pleasure or eating a cookie is being canceled by the remorse of guilt.
And this is an impossible fight, like when you force your mind to not think of something…don’t think of a pink elephant… just thinking of that gives more power to the thoughts of a pink elephant.
Like people who say, think positive, what they are doing is reinforcing their sensitivity to negative thoughts, they are fighting them by being opposed to them.
But the second way to use your mind is by taking a higher vantage point, you don’t fight emotions with other emotions, you don’t fight your thoughts with other thoughts, you just hover them and watch from above.
This is an insight of meditation, you can develop that skill more by meditating.
So let’s say you feel the urge to eat unhealthy, you don’t want to fight the urge as most people do… Using discipline, this can work for so long before you give in.
Instead, take off, separate and look at your mind and emotions from afar, just observe, and something almost magical starts to happen, as you remain in the observer’s seat and don’t participate in the activity of your emotions and thoughts… boom… they lose power, they lose energy and urges dissipate, they go away, they don’t translate in your action where you feel like doing something you shouldn’t.
Over time, you start to understand that you are not your thoughts or emotions, which gives tremendous will power and restraint, your thoughts and mind are more under your control.
So naturally, this can help you follow a healthy nutrition and fitness lifestyle, where you have more free will, and your mind is not divided and fighting, one side against another side.
Six days a week, you eat clean and take care of your body, then Saturday or Sunday, you eat your chocolate, ice cream, pizza, pasta, whatever you want, you enjoy it to the fullest, there is no guilt… But even if guilt comes, watch it, observe it and it will pass, like the clouds, over time, you will have less guilt on cheat day and just have more understanding of yourself, from inside out.
It’s up to you,