Hello, In today’s video, I will cover an important topic. As usual it’s mostly focused on nutrition and fitness, being healthy, but this one goes beyond that, it’s about improving your life in every area you can think of. How and why do so many people out there are reluctant, uncomfortable, maybe scared, maybe ashamed to seek help when they need to?
I want to address this topic because I see a lot of people out there that would get help from people around them if they asked and some really need that help but for some reason, they don’t reach out.
Personally, I grew up in Africa, with a passion for playing basketball. And one of the things that me and my basketball friends talk about looking back is the lack of mentors or guidance we didn’t have access to back then…because When I came to the US in high school, I saw right away that the level of coaching and guidance in the basketball ecosystem was on another level. Wherever I would go play, you had people, older or the same age giving you advice left and right, not junk advice, real helpful advice.
It’s still up to you to absorb it and get better.
Then when I started focusing on entrepreneurship in college and really started to get serious about reading and learning this field everyday, I realized how much advice and guidance I was getting from those books. Which led me to the other insight, the lack of mentorship back home in Africa when it comes to education. You have 75% of the 1.2 billion African below 35 year old…and there is an enormous absence of mentorship, no guidance from people who are experts in their fields and can help people with advice and recommendations.
Then, my last experience on this topic of guidance and help is through fitness and nutrition. I realized how so many people might need help, but for some reason, they don’t reach out. It doesn’t have to be reaching out to me, but to anybody that can help you improve your health, nutrition and fitness. And as you will see in the rest of this video, that can be directly done through someone or on the internet, or via books. So you can either seek out help from someone or search and find resources to help you get over problems you are facing. Let’s get into it.
Recently, I was in a zoom video chat with some of my cousins around the country. We talked about the current events and specifically the police brutality, racism and expanded the conversation to inequality in the US and around the world. During these conversations, I said that what frustrates me the most is how one important solution to poverty and inequality in minorities is missing in the current conversation. The fact that people are not being taught how to individually get better, healthier, smarter to a point where they can get out of poverty or unhealthy cycles they might be stuck into.
It’s great to say, let’s change all those external factors, but I argue it’s even better, more realistic, to help individuals, to show them how to navigate through life and get better, improve and prosper. You can help someone who is negatively affected by war by ending it, or you can give him weapons and ammunition to fight. Inequality is a war that has been going on since the dawn of humanity, it’s not about to stop tomorrow.
Life has never been fair nor equal, these are utopian ideas. Nature obeys to the law of Survival, Competition and Cooperation.
My approach to life is very pragmatic, the most important factor in improving your life is yourself. Without a doubt, there are external conditions that can make it harder if not impossible for you to succeed in a specific field. But take health, education and work…across the board, you have the power to improve these three aspects of your life. But the problem is that first, some people don’t know how to get better and second, those who actually know and can help, in majority, are not reaching out to mentor, give advice or just point toward resources that can help those who would benefit from this knowledge.
This is why the title of this video is Do you need help? What area of your life do you need to improve, are those areas important to your well being and overall growth in life? Are you happy where you are right now?
I’m asking this because a person cannot reach out for help without being aware that he needs help.
This is very important, put aside those who can help you improve, if you are not aware that you actually need some help to fix issues in your life, there is nothing more to say, you will stay where you are or struggle to get better. You have to assess yourself, perform a 360 review of your life, put it down on paper.
Recorded human history is about 5000 years old, and we have the luxury to be alive at a time where so many answers to our problems in life have been somewhat addressed by other people, we really don’t need to reinvent the wheel.
Why waste your time trying to come up with answers to problems if those answers are already out there? All you need is to find these answers and apply them to improve your life. The energy to execute is crucial, so don’t waste your time reinventing the wheel if answers are out there.
If you are unhealthy, out of shape, emotionally distressed, there are resources out there to help you get better, there is literally no limit to how much better you can get today, financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually. But you have to pause and reflect, assess and ask yourself, do I need help here, where do I want to go, what do I need to know.
Unless you are thirsty, you will not seek water to drink.
Now, for people who need help, advice or guidance in a specific area of their lives and are aware of it.
Why are they not seeking help?
This is something I really want to understand myself, because I see it around me. I have a good friend who is overweight, he is around 18 years old and close to 300 pounds, it’s not good.
And this friend of mine never reached out for help, I reached out many times to help him but there was no answer back. So what makes people who need help unwilling to reach out.
Shame, pride, fear,guilt or they just don’t care? Let’s go quickly over each reason why someone is unwilling to ask for help if he needs it, and even better, if someone is offering to help them.
Shame and pride are two sides of the same coin, and one of the reasons people don’t want to reach out for help is that they might feel ashamed or too proud. Some people feel like asking others for help is admitting that they are less, they are not capable of figuring out by themselves.
Two things might cause this. People who could help you might be your peers, friends, so you feel too ashamed or too proud to ask them to help you…Or maybe these people who can help are part of your family, and you want to show that you are your own man, you can stand on your own feet and do it by yourself.
Many people have this mindset but it’s self limiting, check this out…One of the greatest NBA player is Kobe Bryant, who recently passed away, and he is known to have perfected the moves of his idol, Michael Jordan, who is the greatest basketball player of his era. Kobe had a huge ego and supreme confidence, but his ability to listen and seek out people for advice to improve was like someone who knew nothing about basketball.
Do you think Kobe was ashamed of asking MJ for advice, you think he felt bad copying every single move from Jordan? Not a second. Kobe was a fierce competitor, and he wanted to win. MJ had the formula for winning, so Kobe adopted this blueprint. There are few ways to win in life, and millions of ways to lose. If someone has a winning formula, copy it then make arrangements to make it yours. This is even more important if you are losing, if what you are doing is not working. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Also, don’t fear rejection, you miss 100% of the shot you don’t take. Hence Steve Jobs saying good artist copy, great artist steal.
Reading the biography of many successful people across all fields, I discovered that the best are those who can learn from others, who are not afraid to ask for help, who are able to be coached, to be guided.
This is what a lot of people get wrong, they think that the greatest, the most successful people in society are self-made. That they solve every problem from scratch. This is wrong on so many levels. The best are constantly finding what their weaknesses are and seeking those who can help them learn what needs to be learned. They are like sponges, open-minded and mentally pliable, flexible to learn new stuff from others and integrate that into their lives.
Isaac Newton, the father of physics said, I stand on the shoulders of giants, meaning, his success was built upon what scientists did before him and he learned from.
There is no shame in asking other people to help you out. We are all at different moments of our journey, and because someone knows more than you in a given area doesn’t mean you can’t outgrow them, or that you are not better than them in other areas.
Another reason why people are reluctant to ask for help is because of guilt, which is close to feeling ashamed or they don’t want to bother. This can happen for a couple of reasons, one is that you feel that you already asked those people for help and that asking again is too much.
Or that they already helped you get to a certain level and you either relapsed or need help to go higher. If you still need help from them, keep asking, or try to ask someone else who can, but there is really no need to feel guilty, what’s the worst that can happen, you get a NO from them. It’s okay, they might not have the time to help you, but don’t take it personally.
Which leads me to this next point, if you don’t want to reach out to people for help because you think you might bother them, or for all the reasons I mentioned up to this point, but you are aware that you need help, find that help on the internet or via books.
This is the road I took. Back in college, I realized I didn’t know many entrepreneurs. I couldn’t ask for mentorship or help, and didn’t have those people in my family to ask for guidance, I’m a first-generation immigrant from Africa. We don’t have the blueprint to success. So I got my mentorship from Amazon, via books. Paul Bloom, Warren Buffet, Steven Pinker, Buddha…people who are masters in their field rarely have time to mentor us, nor do we have enough money to pay them for their time.
But if you are willing to spend, or better yet, to invest your time reading, you can have the best mentors in the world giving you top advice and recommendation in any field you wish to improve. Nutrition, fitness, emotional and mental development, finance, relationship, parenting, spirituality, or any field in education, you can access the leaders in those fields via books, audio books and now online videos.
This is the era we live in, realize the number of resources out there you can use to improve your life. Everything I know about nutrition and fitness I got from reading books. Everything I know about business, marketing, entrepreneurship, I first learned it from books before applying it and gaining direct experience. 4 years ago, I started doing yoga, and like many, I was a bit shy to go to Yoga Studios. In my mind, it was something for women, not something for a fitness, basketball guy.
But I read that it could take my fitness to another level, so I bought some DVDs and started doing them at home, learning from the best right from my laptop. Now I’m ready to do a 500-hour training to get a Yoga teacher certificate. In the same manner, I learned meditation and how to improve my mind, concentration, emotions and get rid of mental poison like anger, fear, anxiety and attachment via books getting amazing results.
I’m saying all this so you understand that if you are aware that you need, or you must improve some aspect of your life, if people around you cannot help you, take some time and research, find books or videos that will show you what you need to know. Now the next step is applying that and growing.
So to summarize this video, it’s about reaching out for help. First, you need to assess what aspect of your life you want to improve, see if that matters to you and your life goals. Next, seek out where you can find help, directly through someone or indirectly through video courses, books or audio books.
It’s really up to you, we have to pass this message to people around us, that they can get out of situations they are stuck into by their own inner power, hope is not going to help, only through effort.